Amity

out of this world

Archive for the category “diary of a whimsical being”

The pretender

“I was quick to dismiss him. I was determined never to entertain love and love talks. I have had enough. I’m sure if awards were given for failed love, I would have a truck load. Maybe my bruised heart would serve as one.  My last lover did great damage. He took what was left of my broken heart and sucked the breath out of it so much so nothing could make it flutter in love again”.

 

I tell the story of a girl who went in search of love.

She journeyed with her priced possessions: her pen, her heart and crazy mind. 

She journeyed through the land of words. 

Wild bitter words were food to her; vile were the words she drank.

Even when the thorns of words tore her delicate skin, she never gave up.

Till one fateful day, when he came her way.

“He, I thought was my heaven-made match.I never suspected he was a heart stealer. I gave him the key to the sacred lock. I let him into the inner most chamber of my heart. He became the king of my heart”.

 

She loved him with all of her brokenness.

She gave him all she had- her heart, pen and crazy mind.

His words meant everything to her.

He spoke them not neither did he scribble, his big brown eyes 

imprinted it on her broken heart and deep down her soul.

Actions they say speak louder than words.

His words were action, they meant everything to her.

Those words hugged her brokenness

with their rainbow wings, they kissed her scars.

she felt so safe until he stabbed her heart to death 

with those same words.

“Gosh! He was a good pretender and I fell real hard. I have never felt so broken in my whole life. So you see why I can’t stand another love talk. I am done with love because he, my last lover,murdered what was left of my bruised heart”.

Advertisements

dear dairy (lost chance)

Dear you,

I am so sorry,  I am not who I  used to be. I changed. You changed me.

You taught me how  to live without you. It was hard, but I learned. 

I see how you long for things to be as it were before the break.

I would have loved it so,  few months ago when i was near death.

I , hoping you would show up or at least replied my messages.

You never did.

You see, the truth is I  killed the me you used to know so as to live.

You can never meet that me again.

Maybe it wasn’t a good idea letting you back into my life after all.

Let the truth be told , I was really doing well without you and you know it.

You had your chance but you chose to treat me like you did.

I had never been so hurt in my life and will never be.

Yours brokenhearted G.

Shipwreck

  

 When the pressure of a bleeding heart threatens to wreck the whole ship

And the crew seem oblivious to it 

save this captain 

Who feels so lonely and lost at sea.

The end seem to close up real quick

This captain knows  he might never get to enjoy the treasure they found.

It can be very scary to know how close the end is.

It is really scary to know how lonely loneliness can be in the end. 

unloved

She tries to touch him. He pushes her away. calling her all sort of filthy names.

He does it all the time, treating her like she is nobody to him.

They used to be inseparable until she said ” I do”.

Gosh! How it drives her mad. She tries hard to control her own temper which is gradually welling up inside of her.

“Stop!” She begs, tears rolling down her face. She can’t stand the rejection anymore.

She moves away from him to the window. She needs fresh air.

She can feel  the walls closing up on her.

She feels faint, quickly, she holds on to the window frame for support.

“Rich … Richard, I…I  only want you to…… love me… I don’t think that is too much to ask… as your wif…” she tries to explain.

He cuts her off mid sentence, “You have no right! No right to demand such of  me!” he barks  at her “I choose when to do whatever !”

It is too much for her to bear. This is suppose to be the beginning of the rest of their life together.

It was barely a week  into their ‘talk of the town wedding ceremony’.

He barely looks at her or speaks to her. she feels like a stranger in her own home.

She can’t stand it. She runs out of the house never to return.

Her lifeless body squashed like a fly under the wheels.

Dear dairy( confuse)

Dear dairy
Today .
I stepped back from me. I separated Me from me.
I needed to, ‘cos Me and me stopped feeling the same way about him.

I needed to know who felt what and why. I needed to stop this whirligig thoughts that has vowed to ruin my fragile mind.

‘Me’ is untamed; She lets her imaginations run wild. (She is wild anyway). She wants him near, to love him dear. All sorts of sensual thought runs through her mind. In her little mind world, She’s built a castle for both of them , where they would live happily ever after.

But the other me feels repelled by such lasciviousness.
She is more reserved and cultured too
She is so true to self. She see him like he is; a friend. A good friend at that.

Now I need to choose a me and that seem hard you see. But come to think of it….It not that hard.
Dear dairy, I will choose one that cause me less pain…I think I lied cos both ways one me is bound to hurt.

Dear dairy

2015/01/recents-pics-994.jpg
Photo: Amity

Dear Dairy,

My head is pounding. My heart is aching. I don’t know why I feel so lonely.
For a while I was lost I could not feel a thing.
I tried so hard, could not fake ‘Cos I don’t fake.
It hurt so much, It does hurt bad.
Sometimes I cry, Sometimes I smile,
Sometimes I get scared of losing him.

Dear dairy, I do feel pretty messed up.
Maybe it is okay to feel this way once in a while.
Maybe it because I am missing him so much.
It can be so lonely you know.
So frustrating too. So much uncertainty of what lies ahead.

Maybe I’ll just let things be. One day at a time.
What will be will be. I will hold on to the knowledge that for now,
What we feel is real.
Even if it fades…
I will forever cherish the fact that it was, and it was as real as can be.

*In memory of you*

The Wall…

image

Art by: amity

There is something about you;
it feels like the morning dew,
awakening my soul.
It draws me to you every clock tick.

I try to reach it
but I can’t touch it.
I see you reach out
but you can’t feel it.

There is something about me too;
I guess you don’t know it yet.
I can’t figure it out either.
All I can say is it lives in me.

Don’t try to find it.
Don’t try at all.
It is a part of me you’ll never know.
We’ll just pretend it doesn’t exist.

There is something about us;
We love, we laugh, we live in dreamland
but for the wall,
ours would have been heavens made.

Shall we break it?
Can we change it?
Shall we scale it?
Shall we pretend it exist not?

There is  really  nothing  about  us;
It’s  just a dream, a beautiful  dream.
If only I could sleep forever…
Then this wall, ‘reality’, shall be broken.

CURE

She dragged herself along the dusty and narrow path that led to the notorious twelve pins.

The path was well hidden by bushes so that only those who knew about the twelve pins could access it.

She had heard them talk quietly among themselves about how ‘magically dangerous’ the twelve pin is.

They, the ‘strange ones’, with the funny hair cut.

She had never thought she would be going there herself as she had always sneered at them with the funny hair cut.

As if hypnotized, She found herself  heading there  that  evening.

She craved ‘magic‘ Suicidal as it seemed.

Her heavy feet dragged along the dusty path.

It was a long walk and her throat begged for a drop of liquid.

Any liquid.

Her heart beat faster with every step she took closer to the twelve pins, threatening to bust out of her aching chest.

As she dragged herself along, thoughts of earlier occurrence burdened her  heart.

She needed to forget it.

After walking the seemingly never ending length of the bushy path, she came to a wide opening and right at the

center was the twelve pins.

She headed towards it  with the little strength left in her.

Once she got to the entrance which looked like a lion’s open mouth, she pressed the teeth-like buzzer and a husky

voice asked for the pass-code.

She knew the pass-code because she had overheard it from the them with the strange hair cut.

She nervously repeated what she heard.

The door swung open.

She walked in, her heart in her mouth.

The air in the dimly lit room  was kind of offensive to her nostrils but it really did not matter to her.

She had a mission and the mission must be accomplished.

She found her way to the counter.

She could feel all eyes on her.

She knew they knew she was new and different too.

She had always been different.

She never seem to fit in anywhere.

Her being different brought her this far.

She needed a cure.

My sub-C

My mind,Our mind
best film-
maker yet undiscovered
takes fragments of our daily experiences
turns it into the best unedited moving pictures never produced
while we are asleep.
If only we could capture
each moving scene
that plays through our sub-C
We may all, Maybe I would
most film awards win.
My mind, Our mind
The greatest film producer
Yet undiscovered.

* sub-C :subconscious

In the shadow

When the shadow beckons
My head spins
My mind go blank
The mysterious sound
Hypnotising
My mind legs move on their own accord
My heart dances to its rhythm
Sonorous tune piping
When the shadow beckons
I heed
I have no say
My mind find its way
Down the dark path
Lonely thoughts
Pushes me deeper
I find solace
I feel at home
There in the shadow
Where I belong.

Post Navigation